What is it like to be killing somebody ?

I am sitting behind my comp , holding knife and waiting. If they are coming near to me ,calling me for another meeting , then I am beating them with my hand, but there are so many coming.
Looking out from my den at the Spring Creek Conf room down the floor , the air is shaking just like water if you are throwing rock into it. But like ever, having no choice I am moving slowly slowly like cow. Having been through one such 3 hour meting yesterday , they are not even thinking anything is wrong and I am almost laughing and almost dying because my heart is beating so slow and I am thinking about what is going to happen.

I am not knowing why I should be attending the meeting also where I am only switching on lights , adjusting projector and practicing drawing . Why is any one of us be bothered if some company wants to be setting up centre in Mumbai or Canada. Like idiots we are going and sitting.

Commandant is thinking and I am liking to watch him thinking. He is putting his one hand in all his big hairs and the others seem to be picking beard / nose . This is always happening, and now it is happening even more because the meeting I am knowing is for 4 hours today. First few hours went away watching mosquito everywhere moving around in circle.
Twirling twirling my eyes rotating , I am feeling the wind is blowing softly in my ear and on my skin and I am looking no where , I am walking out of the room so nobody is seeing me or hearing me ;
running ;
jumping ;
arms stretching I am singing all of the song – mitwaaaaaa……mere mann yeh bathaa de thoooooooo

I am liking that man in that movie and I am trying to be acting like him , but sometimes I am thinking of the ladies and I am sadding .

Where is she ?
aaaah there she is running she also coming to me.
She is not even saying one word in the whole time .

I am asking her ‘ kis ooor chalaa hain tu ? kya paaya nahin tu ne …?’
She is only shaking her head yes or no.

Are you liking me I am asking ?

No answer.

Are you liking banana ?

Nodding .


Chicken ?

Yes.Yes.

Jaam pandu ?

Yes.

Are you stupid ?

No.

Why are you not talking talking ?

No answer.

What is it like to be killing somebody ?

No answer.


Viiiiighneeeeeeeesh !!!!

He is looking at me.
Commandant is starting to watch. I am laughing because he is looking not just like madman but mad horse. Enh! He is saying and I am watching how he is folding his hand together and we are back to pretending to listen to Bayer Canada , the estimation , Ron , Dan , O & I , Teresa…….bah!

P.S: Another meeting today …2 hrs :(

Race to the bottom.

Failure - the quotidian feature of my life.

Ofcourse it might be argued that one may begin to feel a touch of pessimism ,but, if you set aside the prism of optimism , you’ll open to up the black hole of hopelessness – my life.

This loss of hope comes not just because of the rejection by every major b-aschool in the country for the 2nd successive year but more because of the way they put it.
“This performance of yours is not a complete indicator of your full potential.However, we thank you for your interest in …….”

Now I am not eternally damning myself but it’s a hardnosed reality which I not so proudly embrace.

Now while all this was happening the Man of La Mancha , momentarily obscured by silence descends on and decides to play escapist by going to what Atlantean quotes as Awwwesome!

Not that I always go to movies on his behest but inspite of Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Alladi’s presence , I was still awaiting ‘Aye Hairathe’ to bring on the brief moment when one becomes disengaged from life and time stands still as a long stretch of dreams fly past and I can sense the glistening drops of dew on verdant grass , tall pines swaying to the melody and a cloud of colours blinding you …..but …..but….

A new current of dark something engulfs every thing and your mind shouts…..
Beat ‘em …Beat ‘em ….
Tomatoes …Tomatoes…
Ban the movie….

I try to recreate every moment again but an overarching feeling of condemnation destroys everything. Only a refreshing cup of chai and Alladi manage to save the day.

yeh dekh amma.....tumhara laal...hero herolaal

  

Oh no no Salaam Namste is this one...

  

Now that is some serious fan following.